There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can I color on your dick again?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
