i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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