i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
