i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
