This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
