I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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