wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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