This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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