You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
