hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
