I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
