If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
