i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
