I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
