Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
