and i looked up. we had an audience...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
