If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
