Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
