I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
