life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
