I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
