I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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