U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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