why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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