Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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