i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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