He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
