Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
