Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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