the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Welp...herpes.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
