Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
