He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
