so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
