these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
