I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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