He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
smell my finger.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
