If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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