I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Someone shattered a urinal.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
where are my eyebrows?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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