I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
