home. puking in laundry basket.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
