I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
