We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
