Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize