My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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