Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
As shirtless as possible
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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