I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
