This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I didn't notice because vodka
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
