whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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