he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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