3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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