Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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