She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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