My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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